The Writer's Comfort Levels ~ PART 8 "Hurt"

The Writer's Comfort Levels

PART 8

"Hurt"

[How can I forgive when it hurts so much]

BLOG SESSION

February 4th, 2018

We're here for another great Blog Session dear Writers!

Please grab your Journal for this Session because we are going to be talking about The Writer's Comfort Levels once again, and the emotion for today is "Hurt".

As an overview, the reason why we are going through twenty-one (21) different emotions is for each of us to understand what the emotions consist of.  Not only does this help us with assessments of ourselves, but also it helps us as Writers to understand how to bring these emotions forth in our writings when it comes to the characters in our stories.

Journal Notes

The Writer's Comfort Levels

PART 8

"Hurt"

We all know that there is physical hurt.  But there is also such a thing as emotional hurt.  Emotional hurt is of a different origin.  Emotional hurt involves psychological pain or mental pain and is an unpleasant feeling (a suffering) of a psychological and non-physical origin.  A pioneer in the field of suicidology, Edwin S. Shneidman, described it as "how much you hurt as a human being."

Psychologically Speaking, dwelling on the possible causes of emotional pain is more likely to cause one to assign blame.    Thus causing the beginning of a vicious cycle.  To justify blame, we tend to magnify pain.  Attributing blame then stimulates anger to punish the perceived offender.

Biologically, the association of pain/vulnerability with anger is almost irresistible; anger has survival-based analgesic and amphetamine effects ~ it temporarily numbs pain and provides a surge of energy and confidence to ward-off threat. But each repetition of this process reinforces perceived damage and vulnerability by making defense seem more necessary.

Please make a note in your Journal that over time, the blame-anger response congeals into chronic resentment, which is a generalized, automatic defensive system geared to protect an ego made fragile by the perceived need of protection.

To the resentful, painful emotions are not motivations to heal and improve but punishments inflicted by an unfair world. Resentful people try to control what other people think by devaluing or coercing them, thereby reinforcing the vulnerability they seek to avoid.

For those who have been hurt emotionally, there is an area of concern that we need to cover, and that is:  "The Illusion of Control" ~ which involves looking for it (control) in all the wrong places...

Consider the following:

How little control we have over the things that most profoundly influence our lives.

How many of us got to choose our parents?

Did we decide the illnesses, accidents, medications, and substance use of our mothers during pregnancy?

Who decided where and when they were born; how much money their families would have; what early childhood sickness or accidents they would experience; which schools they would go to and what kind of teachers and friends they would find there?  Who chose whether other children would like or bully them, support or antagonize them, respect or humiliate them?

Think about it...

How much control over your young life did you really have?

How much control over your life now do you really have?

Controlling the Meaning of Your Life

You cannot control most of the major influences on your life, but you have absolute control over what they mean to you.

If you control the meaning of events in your life by creating as much value as you can, you will have a sense of purpose and personal power.  If you control it by devaluing yourself or others, you create a chronic sense of powerlessness, characterized by roller-coaster rides of adrenalin-driven resentment that crash into depressed moods.

Rather than focus on the possible causes of pain and vulnerability, try to sort out what each hurtful incident means to you and what you can do to heal and improve.  But do this important assessment with self-compassion, not self-criticism.  

Here's an example to help you with your assessment...

Assessment Example:

My spouse cheated on me.

What does that mean to me?

I'm alone, isolated, betrayed.

What can I do to improve and heal?

I can recognize that I have the strength, resilience, and value to heal this hurt over time.  I will stay true to my deepest values, focus on creating more value in my life, reach out to friends and other loved ones, recognize human frailty in my spouse and in myself, evaluate my options for a better future.

A large part of what is needed in many of our lives at one point or another is self-worth otherwise known as self- esteem.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Possessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships.  Too much self-love, on the other hand, results in an off-putting sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures.  (Please note:  It can also be a sign of clinical narcissism.)

Perhaps no other self-help topic has spawned so much advice and so many (often conflicting) theories.  The best insight can be found by learning how to strike a balance between accurate self-knowledge and respect for who you are.

As a Writer, you can work through your personal life challenges by writing in your Diary or Journal on a daily basis.  This will help you to not only understand yourself better, but you will also learn to see more clearly about the many things in your life that bypass your recognition because you do not take the time to do something that you are gifted to do -- Write.

As you write in your Diary/Journal on a daily basis, you will use the material that you learn about yourself to formulate your writings and character interactions based upon what you have experienced in your own life.  Not only will you have epiphanies (moments of sudden revelation or insight) from doing so, but you will also ignite a passion that rests within your being . . .

Writing

After all, you are a Writer

OUR NEXT BLOG SESSION:

"The Writer's Comfort Levels"

PART 9

Peace, Love & Light

By René Allen

©Copyright - René Allen - 2014-2018 - All Rights Reserved