René Allen ~ Author: guilt

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Empathic Listening Ear

Empathic Listening Ear

Blog Session

June 2017

Good Morning Blog Readers, Followers & Visitors ~ Welcome back to the Blog! If you are new here, now is the time to make yourself comfortable, because you are among wonderful people who are interested in keeping up with interesting topics, as well as writing in our Journals for the purpose of self-discovery.

Please take a moment to Bookmark our Blog now, and if you like, you may follow by Email by adding your Email address where it says, "Follow by Email" in the right-hand column under my eyeball, then click the "Submit" button. You'll receive Emails for each Blog Session, and by doing so, you won't miss a thing.

In our last Blog Session we discussed emotional baggage and how to get rid of our emotional baggage. We are going to continue our discussion by adding in a little something here at this point that many of us fail to take into consideration...

Empathic Listening

The Benefits of Empathic Listening

Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. It is an essential skill for third parties and disputants alike, as it enables the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response. The response is an integral part of the listening process and can be critical to the success of relationships, family interactions, teams, clubs, groups, businesses, and negotiation or mediation. Among its benefits, empathic listening . . .

builds trust and respect,
enables people and/or disputants to release their emotions,
reduces tensions and stress,
encourages the surfacing of information, and
creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving.

We are discussing Emphatic Listening because this helps with understanding others, which in turn could possibly answer the many questions surrounding the baggage that you may be carrying from past incidents or current ones.

Remember, we are talking about getting rid of the baggage we carry. That baggage may include:

1. Guilt

2. Anger

3. Depression

4. Fear

5. Emotional Unrest

6. Rejection

7. Blame

8. Resentment

9. Betrayal

10. Emotional Pain

11. Past Abuse

12. Hurt feelings

13. Sadness

14. Unhappiness

15. Jealousy

16. Envy

17. Unresolved Grief

18. Low Self-Esteem

19. Hopelessness

20. Lack of Faith

21. Unforgiveness

22. Disappointments

23. Addictions

24. Toxic Relationships

25. Relationships wherein there was never closure

...and possibly other weights that are not listed above.

Though useful for everyone involved in a conflict, the ability and willingness to listen with empathy is often what sets the person who is willing to have a break-thru from a person who wants to continue to wallow in dismal drama.

Discover How to Listen with Empathy

Empathy is the ability to project oneself into the personality of another person in order to better understand that person's emotions or feelings. Through empathic listening the listener lets the speaker know, "I understand your problem and how you feel about it, I am interested in what you are saying and I am not judging you." The listener unmistakably conveys this message through words and non-verbal behaviors, including body language. In so doing, the listener encourages the speaker to fully express herself or himself free of interruption, criticism or being told what to do. It is neither advisable nor necessary for the listener to agree with the speaker, even when asked to do so. It is usually sufficient to let the speaker know, "I understand you and I am interested in being a resource to help you resolve this problem."

Listening with Empathy is how problems are effectively solved.

Coming into an agreement.

Many times when it comes to business relationships and partnerships, listening with empathy is how many problems are solved. It is also an excellent way to come together to face any challenges that may arise. It is much easier to agree with one another earnestly when you have taken the time to listen empathically along the way.

When it comes to baggage, you need to take out your Journal and really take the time to write down your areas of baggage that have been weighing you down...

Emotional Baggage

If you have your Journal handy, here is where you take the time to do an assessment of what is going on with you and your Emotional Baggage.

First off, write down in your Journal what your feelings are about where you are in your life at this point?

Secondly, make sure that you Journal about what you feel in a very honest and frank way. This is for your own benefit. You will gain plenty of insight if you are honest with yourself and really push everything else aside for your personal Journal time.

Third, ask yourself: What are my expectations? What are you expecting from yourself? What have you been wasting your time doing in terms of expecting something from others that you have not been receiving?

Forth, your hopes and dreams are worthy of note. What are your hopes & dreams? Have you taken the time to write down what you are hoping and dreaming about for your future? If not, why not?

Fifth, honestly and accurately do a self-reflection. Ask yourself: What broken dreams have been weighing you down? Then go a step further, and write those broken dreams down. Why do you feel those particular dreams are broken? What got in the way? What makes you think that you cannot accomplish what you hope and dream for?

And lastly, for your Journal, listen intently to your heart. Write down your expectations. Be sure to stretch yourself. Do not expect small things. Although you should despise not the day of small things, you should also not short yourself so to speak. . .

Dream BIG! Expect MUCH!

You deserve the best life has to offer.

We'll be back later on today to discuss much more...

Until we return, enjoy your early morning coffee break...

Coffee Break

Peace, Love & Light,

René

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Get Rid of Your Emotional Baggage . . .

Get Rid of Your Emotional Baggage . . .

Blog Session

June 2017

If you are ready to tackle the issue of emotional baggage, then you are in the right place. Our Blog Session today will dive into the emotional baggage that many of us, and the people we know carry around with us daily. It is time to identify it, Journal about it, and get rid of it.

If you are new to our Blog Sessions, then you will want to get a Journal so that you may take notes, and also journal your thoughts and feelings as we go through our Blog Sessions. You will find Journaling to be a very valuable and helpful practice. So at this point, grab your Journal, Diary, or Notebook so that you may begin to take notes...

Journal time!

The older we get, the worse it gets if we don't recognize that we have emotional baggage holding us back, and holding us down.

Make a note in your Journal that Emotional Baggage consist of unresolved issues of an emotional nature that oftentimes can be detrimental to your well-being.

Emotional baggage comes in a variety of different forms. One of the main sources of baggage is "Rejection".

Rejection actually activates the same pathways in your brain as physical pain, which is one reason why it hurts so much. The feeling of rejection toys with your innate need to belong, and for some people, it is so painful and distressing that it interferes with your ability to think, recall memories and make decisions. The sooner you let go of painful rejections, the better off your mental health will be.

One of the main problems with carrying baggage around, other than the fact that it weighs you down and gets in the way of your progress, is that people tend to "ruminate" over their baggage.

When you ruminate, or brood, over a past hurt, the memories you replay in your mind only become increasingly distressing and cause more anger — without providing any new insights. In other words, while reflecting on a painful event can help you to reach an understanding or closure about it, ruminating simply increases your stress levels.

The other big bag that people tend to carry around is "blame". When things go wrong in your life, blaming others is the easy way to turn the finger from pointing at yourself to someone else. While it may make you feel better for a moment, it is not wise to hold on to such a bad habit. It is not anyone else's fault for your problems, failures, short-comings, or insecurities. And, even if it were someone else's fault, what good will carrying the baggage of blame around do for you?

Keep this in mind: You are not helpless, nor hopeless.

If you allow yourself to feel "helpless" after a failure, or "blame" it on someone else, or your lack of ability or bad luck, it's likely to lower your self-esteem. Blaming a failure on specific factors within your control, such as planning and execution, is likely to be less damaging, but even better is focusing on ways you can improve and be better informed so you can succeed next time.

What about the real heavy luggage that we carry around called, "guilt". Do you find yourself carrying around guilt?

Guilt can be beneficial in that it can stop you from doing something that may harm another person (making it a strong "relationship protector"). But guilt that lingers can impair your ability to focus and enjoy life. If you still feel guilty after apologizing for a wrongdoing, be sure you have expressed empathy toward them, which will likely lead to forgiveness.

Do you have a problem forgiving others? Is it something that you struggle with, and you know it is weighing you down? Are you able to have compassion or empathy for others? Are you so self-centered that you cannot put yourself in another person's shoes? Do you find it hard to believe that other people have feelings just like you do? Have you ever taken the time to discuss an issue that has been weighing you down with the very person who is connected to that issue? Do you enjoy playing the martyr? Could your thinking process be totally off track and you have been told this many times, but you insist on always being right? Is it possible that the person responsible for your problems and issues is YOU?

Many times, our thoughts and judgments are the source of our emotional pain.

The human mind, inherently impatient, triggers emotional reactions when our ideas about how things should be collide with how things are. We sometimes torment ourselves about choices we’ve made, words we’ve spoken, and the path or paths not taken. Or we dwell on the future, postponing our happiness with thoughts about what is missing or wrong in the present moment.

We must understand clearly that the mind has a lifetime of conditioned beliefs and expectations through which it filters all perceptions. While the body spontaneously lets go of pain the moment the underlying cause is healed, the mind has a mysterious instinct for holding on. Through the mind, we create a prison of suffering and then forget that we are the architect and that we ourselves hold the key that will set us free.

Even after years of emotional healing work, we all sometimes make the mistake of believing that something “out there” makes us angry, depressed, anxious, or afraid. In reality, outside events are only triggers. The cause of every emotion is within. By uncovering the false perceptions that cause us to cling to pain, we can open to a deep experience of peace.

In our next Blog Session, we will discuss ways in which you may find your way back to your core of balance, peace, and well-being. Our main objective is to get rid of the baggage...

Friends ~ See you in our next Blog Session!

until then . . .