The Writer's Comfort Levels ~ PART 16(b) ~ "Anger" ~ Extended Version [Self Assessment]

The Writer's Comfort Levels

PART 16(b)

"Anger"

Extended Version

[Self Assessment]

BLOG SESSION

February 13th, 2018

Welcome back Blog Readers, Writers, Followers & Visitors ~  We will be continuing our Blog Session today with an extended version of The Writer's Comfort Levels in connection with the emotion of "Anger".

The reason we will share a touch more on "anger" with everyone here today is so that everyone may also gain a clear assessment of where they stand as it relates to the emotion of "anger" within self (personally).

Many of us never stop to assess if we may possibly have an "anger management" problem.

So if you would, please grab your Journal for this Session so that you may have notes readily available for further review at a later time when you can sit down with yourself...

Journal Notes

"Anger"

Self Assessment

As we discussed in our last Blog Session, in order to come to terms with an anger management problem that you may be facing, you must first determine the difference between simply being upset or having a real anger management problem.  Being upset also has various levels.  While some people may have prolonged bouts of being in an emotional "upset" state of mind, others may be extremely upset for a very short period of time.  You must know yourself to truly and honestly determine where you stand personally when it comes to anger control/management.

Being upset and fuming within yourself is a lot different from being upset and throwing things around, or punching holes in walls with your fists.

Being upset in an adult way wherein you are able to express your feelings calmly and succinctly is quite different from being upset with the frame of mind of a two (2) year old and throwing temper tantrums.

Temper Tantrum in progress

Children at the age of two (2) years old often have temper tantrums and melt~downs during their second year of life because it is a time when language skills are starting to develop.  Because toddlers can't yet say what they want, feel, or need, a frustrating experience may cause a tantrum.  As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.  [Now some of you are raising you eyebrows because you are thinking of a person who throws temper tantrums, but they are not two years old]...which leads to another area:  Maturity.

As we mentioned in our last Blog Session, if you think that you may have an anger management problem, it is important to seek the help of a trained medical professional.

Let us do an anger management assessment. . .

Take a moment to check yourself in the following areas:

1)  Do you get mad over little things?

      If you get upset over inconsequential things, like being

      cut off in traffic by another driver, or having to wait for

      an elevator ~ then you are likely to have an "anger

      problem".

2)  Do you interrupt people when they are talking?

       Angry people tend to be impatient people.  Often they

       have trouble waiting for others to finish what they are

       saying.  And even when they are able to let the other

       person talk, they might not actually be listening to them.

       They may just be pretending to hear them, and faking

       their listening.

3)  Are you a complainer?

      People who spend a lot of time complaining about the

      transgressions or shortcomings of other people may have

      an anger problem.  [Please Note:  Some angry people

      may rant and rave about politics, others rant and rave

      about sports, others complain about the Block Club

      Members, still some others complain incessantly about

      family members or friends, but make no mistake about it

      ~ the venom comes from the same source ~ Anger.

4)  Are you holding a grudge?

       Relationships suffer when someone has trouble

       forgiving someone who has wronged him or her in the

       past.  Here is where you need to make a note in your

       Journal that people who have "anger" issues often have

       trouble doing just that ~ forgiving...Instead, they 

       continue to re-experience the frustration, pain, hurt, and

       resentment each time they recall the wrong -- whether

       perceived or real.

5)  Do you find yourself getting hot or red in the

      face?

       Getting hot can make your face red ~ and that goes for

       emotional "heat" as well as hot temperatures as measured

       on a thermometer.  Anger can also cause laborious

       breathing, fidgeting, and even pacing back and forth.

       Anger clearly affects the body as well as the mind.  In

       fact, numerous studies have shown that angry people are

       more likely to have high blood pressure and to suffer a

       stroke or heart attack.

6)  Are you overly sensitive?

      Angry people are quick to take offense.  Comments that

      others might laugh off can get under the skin of someone 

      who has an angry disposition.  Some people with an anger

      "problem" are hyper vigilant, always waiting for others to

       screw up.

7)  Are you Cold-Hearted?

      Angry people tend not to be very compassionate or

      empathetic.  Some take pleasure in the misfortune of 

      others ~ a phenomenon known as *schadenfreude.

      And some are quick to condemn and slow to praise.

      *NOTE:  Schadenfreude is a feeling of enjoyment that

       comes from seeing or hearing about the troubles of other

       people.

For the sake of Anger Management...

Get your Journal out

Write down all the things that upset you.

Then turn the page ~

Breathe ~ and write down . . .

All the things you are grateful for.

OUR NEXT BLOG SESSION: 

(Will resume as normally scheduled)

The Writer's Comfort Levels

PART 17

"Disgust"

~ See you in our next Blog Session! ~

Peace, Love & Light

By René Allen

©Copyright - René Allen - 2014-2018 - All Rights Reserved

The Writer's Comfort Levels ~ PART 16 ~ "Anger"

The Writer's Comfort Levels

PART 16

"Anger"

BLOG SESSION

February 12, 2018

Welcome back Writers, Readers, Authors, Novelists, Journalists, Poets, Short Story Writers, Film Writers, and everyone interested in writing a book and those of you who are working on a Writing Project ~ We're here for another great Blog Session about The Writer's Comfort Levels.  Tonight's emotion is "Anger".

For our Blog Session this evening, you will definitely need to grab your Journal to take notes about the 16th emotion that we will be discussing today.  We will talk about how "anger" comes into play in relation to The Writer's Comfort Levels.

Journal Notes

There is something about the way anger can disrupt lives, destroy families and relationships, end careers, and wreck havoc on various areas of a person's life if they happen to have an "anger management" problem.  With that in mind, we should clearly recognize that anger is not an emotion that we should ever strive to take hold of and nourish in any way.

Anger is a problem that is often overlooked and dismissed as a passing thing.  Sometimes it is not a passing thing.  Sometimes people need legitimate help with anger issues that are ruining their life.

Anger produces a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

Angry people tend to be filled with rage and are a vexation to those around them.  The angry person is often one who shows forth irritation, irritability, indignation, outrage, wrath, and is often aggravated by anything that is displeasing to them.  Be their anger justified or not, it is worth noting that anger should always be identified, recognized, and dealt with.  Anger should not be allowed to spiral out of control.  Nor should a person dwell on their anger over long periods of time without trying to reach a amenable resolution.

The phrase ~ "Oh he's just blowing off steam"

is NOT cute.

People who are in need of anger management often shout, are coarse, use rough speech, are rude, crude, impolite, uncouth, ill-mannered, uncivil, crass, unseemly, and to the extreme lewd and/or vulgar.

If you think you may have an anger management problem, it is important that you seek the help of a trained medical professional.

If you know someone who has an anger management problem and is in need of the help of a trained medical professional, do not hesitate to try to get them the help that they may need.

Letting your anger build up and boil over onto others is not wise...

In need of Anger Management

Anger that is an every-day-adventure in households with children tends to affect children in a very negative way...

Children are negatively impacted

when living in households with anger.

We all know someone who has been identified as a "hot-head".  We all know someone who flies off the handle so to speak.  There are questions that arise when identifying people who cannot seem to keep their emotions under control in the area of anger ~ Does the person need professional medical attention?  Is the person in need of therapy or counseling?  Is the person overwhelmed?  Is the person burned out?  Is the person under extreme stress?  Does the person have a personality disorder?  Is the person seeking attention in a very negative way?  Is the person simply a Drama King or Queen?  Is the person extremely immature?  Is the person a bully?  Is the person potentially violent?

Accusatory people who are always seeking people to attack have serious issues that need to be dealt with.  Accusatory people tend to be very judgemental, critical, and bitter . . .

Accusatory Person

If you are a Writer, using the emotion of anger in your story as it relates to one of your characters is a research project in and of itself.  There are many causes that relate to the root of anger within a person.

You must first be able to know the difference between being upset, and having a real anger management problem.

Getting mad over little insignificant things every day points to a underlying problem that is being overlooked.

Unhealthy Anger

There are times when anger serves a justifiable purpose.  If we need to take action on something important, anger serves the purpose of motivating us to do so.  A good example would be Rosa Parks being angry about racial discrimination, and no longer going along with sitting on the back of the bus.  Racial discrimination was and is a big deal...

Rosa Parks 1955

(Justifiable Anger)

Discrimination

The "Me Too" Movement is another example of justifiable anger.  The Me Too Movement was spread virally in October as 2017 as a hashtag, and was used on social media to help demonstrate the widespread prevalence of sexual assault and harassment, especially in the workplace.  The Movement followed soon after the public revelations of sexual misconduct allegations against Harvey Weinstein.  The phrase was first used in this context by Tarana Burke and was popularized by Alyssa Milano when she encouraged women to tweet it to "give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem".

Tarana Burke

Founder ~ "Me Too" Movement

Hashtag MeToo Movement on Tweeter

#MeToo ~ Alyssa Milano

Writers are able to move mountains with words.  Stories are told with words.  Movements change the world.  Justifiable Anger channeled in the right way forces needed change.

If you are a Writer interested in writing a Self-Help Book, the topic of Anger Management is one in which many people are interested in and in need of hearing more about.

We'll be back for another great Blog Session tomorrow!

OUR NEXT BLOG SESSION:

The Writer's Comfort Levels

PART 17

"Disgust"

Peace, Love & Light

By René Allen

©Copyright - René Allen - 2014-2018 - All Rights Reserved

 

Empathic Listening Ear

Empathic Listening Ear

Blog Session

June 2017

Good Morning Blog Readers, Followers & Visitors ~ Welcome back to the Blog!  If you are new here, now is the time to make yourself comfortable, because you are among wonderful people who are interested in keeping up with interesting topics, as well as writing in our Journals for the purpose of self-discovery.

Please take a moment to Bookmark our Blog now, and if you like, you may follow by Email by adding your Email address where it says, "Follow by Email" in the right-hand column under my eyeball, then click the "Submit" button. You'll receive Emails for each Blog Session, and by doing so, you won't miss a thing.

In our last Blog Session we discussed emotional baggage and how to get rid of our emotional baggage.  We are going to continue our discussion by adding in a little something here at this point that many of us fail to take into consideration...

Empathic Listening

The Benefits of Empathic Listening

Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust.  It is an essential skill for third parties and disputants alike, as it enables the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response.  The response is an integral part of the listening process and can be critical to the success of relationships, family interactions, teams, clubs, groups, businesses, and negotiation or mediation.  Among its benefits, empathic listening . . . 

1.  builds trust and respect,
2.  enables people and/or disputants to release their  emotions,
3.  reduces tensions and stress,
4.  encourages the surfacing of information, and
5.  creates a safe environment that is conducive to  collaborative problem solving.

We are discussing Emphatic Listening because this helps with understanding others, which in turn could possibly answer the many questions surrounding the baggage that you may be carrying from past incidents or current ones.

Remember, we are talking about getting rid of the baggage we carry.  That baggage may include:

1.    Guilt

2.    Anger

3.    Depression

4.    Fear

5.    Emotional Unrest

6.    Rejection

7.    Blame

8.    Resentment

9.    Betrayal

10.  Emotional Pain

11.   Past Abuse

12.  Hurt feelings

13.  Sadness

14.  Unhappiness

15.   Jealousy

16.   Envy

17.   Unresolved Grief

18.   Low Self-Esteem

19.   Hopelessness

20.  Lack of Faith

21.   Unforgiveness

22.   Disappointments

23.   Addictions

24.   Toxic Relationships

25.   Relationships wherein there was never closure

...and possibly other weights that are not listed above.

Though useful for everyone involved in a conflict, the ability and willingness to listen with empathy is often what sets the person who is willing to have a break-thru from a person who wants to continue to wallow in dismal drama.

Discover How to Listen with Empathy

Empathy is the ability to project oneself into the personality of another person in order to better understand that person's emotions or feelings.  Through empathic listening the listener lets the speaker know, "I understand your problem and how you feel about it, I am interested in what you are saying and I am not judging you."  The listener unmistakably conveys this message through words and non-verbal behaviors, including body language.  In so doing, the listener encourages the speaker to fully express herself or himself free of interruption, criticism or being told what to do.  It is neither advisable nor necessary for the listener to agree with the speaker, even when asked to do so.  It is usually sufficient to let the speaker know, "I understand you and I am interested in being a resource to help you resolve this problem."

Listening with Empathy is how problems are effectively solved.

Coming into an agreement.

Many times when it comes to business relationships and partnerships, listening with empathy is how many problems are solved.  It is also an excellent way to come together to face any challenges that may arise.  It is much easier to agree with one another earnestly when you have taken the time to listen empathically along the way.

When it comes to baggage, you need to take out your Journal and really take the time to write down your areas of baggage that have been weighing you down...

Emotional Baggage

If you have your Journal handy, here is where you take the time to do an assessment of what is going on with you and your Emotional Baggage.

First off, write down in your Journal what your feelings are about where you are in your life at this point?

Secondly, make sure that you Journal about what you feel in a very honest and frank way.  This is for your own benefit. You will gain plenty of insight if you are honest with yourself and really push everything else aside for your personal Journal time.

Third, ask yourself:  What are my expectations?  What are you expecting from yourself?  What have you been wasting your time doing in terms of expecting something from others that you have not been receiving?

Forth, your hopes and dreams are worthy of note.  What are your hopes & dreams?  Have you taken the time to write down what you are hoping and dreaming about for your future?  If not, why not?

Fifth, honestly and accurately do a self-reflection.  Ask yourself:  What broken dreams have been weighing you down?  Then go a step further, and write those broken dreams down.  Why do you feel those particular dreams are broken?  What got in the way?  What makes you think that you cannot accomplish what you hope and dream for?

And lastly, for your Journal, listen intently to your heart. Write down your expectations.  Be sure to stretch yourself. Do not expect small things. Although you should despise not the day of small things, you should also not short yourself so to speak. . .

Dream BIG!  Expect MUCH!

You deserve the best life has to offer.

We'll be back later on today to discuss much more...

Until we return, enjoy your early morning coffee break...

Coffee Break

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

© Copyright - René Allen - JUNE 2017 - All Rights Reserved