The Writer's Comfort Levels ~ PART 12 ~ "Empathy"

The Writer's Comfort Levels

 ~ PART 12 ~

 "Empathy"

BLOG SESSION

February 8th, 2018

Welcome back Writers, Authors, Poets, Novelists, Memoirists, Journalists, Diary Writers, Short Story Writers, Blog Readers, Followers & Visitors!

You are in for a very special session concerning our continuing topic in relation to The Writer's Comfort Levels.  Today's Session will be focused on the emotion of "empathy".

If you are new to our Blog Sessions, we welcome you.  You're in the right place, and you will find information here that you will be able to take notes on and keep for later use to help you with your Book Writing Projects.  We use our Journals when we come here to take notes.  If you do not yet have a blank Journal, be sure to grab one the next time you are out shopping, or you may use any notebook that you have around the house or your office for today's Blog Session . . .

Journal Notes

As you begin to start your note-taking for today, please make a note that we are now on emotion #12 ~ "Empathy".  The first eleven (11) emotions have been covered in our previous Blog Sessions.  Following is the complete list of all of the (21) twenty-one emotions that we are going over during our Blog Sessions connected to The Writer's Comfort Levels. . .

1)  Sadness (Sorrow)

2)  True intensity

3)  Joy

4)  Disappointment

5)  Wonder

6)  Curiosity

7)  Betrayal

8)  Hurt

9)  Grief

10)  Passion

11)  Warmth

12)  Empathy

13)  Fear

14)  Hate

15)  Happiness

16)  Anger

17)  Disgust

18)  Shock

19)  Kindness

20)  introversion (personality)

21)  extroversion (personality)

If you missed any of our Blog Sessions on emotions 1 - 11, you may easily review and read any of those Sessions by scrolling down past this current Blog Session or by clicking on any of the links you are interested in over in the far right-hand column where you see the heading, "Blog Archive".

If you are new, be sure to Bookmark our Blog, and you may also sign up to "Follow by Email" right under my eyeball in the far right-hand column.  Enter your email address, then click on the "Submit" button.  You will then receive each Blog Session in your email box as soon as the Session is published.  You'll find that option to be very convenient.

There is one question that you may want to ask yourself today as we get rolling on our Blog Session, (and be sure to make a note of your answer)....

To start your notes off for today's Session the question is ~ "Do you personally have empathy?" [Please make a note of your answer in your Journal].

As you can see from reading our heading for today's Blog Session, Empathy is the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person's feelings; and identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.

Babies intuitively have the capacity

to empathize with others.

If you really take a moment to think on this one question, you will learn a lot about yourself today.  How tuned in are you to others?  How much to you really care about others and what is going on around you?

To empathize is to understand or relate to someone else's emotional experience.  If you get teary-eyed upon hearing about the death of your friend's family member, you are actually empathizing with your friend and feeling their emotions right along with them.

As a Writer, you must be able to "feel" your characters (and empathize so to speak), and you should also be able to describe their emotional states well in your story.

Empathize is often used interchangeably with the term sympathize, but you'll get no empathy (or sympathy) from usage experts if you confuse the two.  When you sympathize with another person, you feel sad that she is suffering, but you don't necessarily relate to her experience.

It is easiest to empathize when you've been through a similar experience; for example, if your relative recently passed away, your friend's passing relative story will also break your heart due to empathy.

Writer ~ Take a moment to think...

How well can you describe a storyline about something that seeks for the Reader to have empathy for the character?

How good are you at creating characters that are able to empathize with other characters in your story?

Try your hand at writing a simple paragraph  with a descriptive situation involving the emotion of "empathy".

As you reflect on the emotion of empathy, be sure to make notes about what you are discovering so that you will be able to write storylines easily concerning the emotion of empathy.

As always, if you have any questions, suggestions, of if you'd like to have discussions here on the Blog about a certain topic ~ be sure to place your questions, suggestions, or discussion ideas in our "Comments Section" at the bottom of our Blog here.

Writers, Authors & Novelists ~ We'll see you in our next Blog Session!

The Writer's Comfort Levels

PART 13

"Fear"

Peace, Love & Light

By René Allen

©Copyright - René Allen - 2014-2018 - All Rights Reserved

Dealing with Emotional Pain

Blog Session

June 2017

We are going to discuss a tough topic today.  It is the topic of Emotional Pain.  Everyone knows of it, many have felt it personally, and most of us have had to deal with it in one way or another.

What is emotional pain?

Psychological pain or mental pain is an unpleasant feeling (a suffering) of a psychological, non-physical, origin.  A pioneer in the field of suicidology, Edwin S. Shneidman, described it as "how much you hurt as a human being.  It is mental suffering; mental torment."

Emotional Pain has no particular name on it.  It hits men, women, young adults, babies, and even animals.

Emotional Pain in babies

Emotional Pain in Young Adults

Emotional Pain in Animals

Everyone has different sensitivities.  The same incident can affect a large number of people, and each person will handle it differently.

People who lose people close to them through death may go through emotional pain.  The emotional pain can include grief, sadness, depression, and crying spells.  Depending upon the loss, it can also be stressful -- i.e., the loss of a spouse, a parent, or the loss of a child.

Emotional Pain can also lead to the blame game.  Wherein a person will blame others for their emotional pain.

For instance, a parent dies, and the brother or sister is blamed for not taking care of them properly, or the doctor is blamed because the parent died under their care.

To justify blame, we tend to magnify pain.  Attributing blame then stimulates anger to punish the perceived offender. Biologically, the association of pain/vulnerability with anger is almost irresistible; anger has survival-based analgesic and amphetamine effects - it temporarily numbs pain and provides a surge of energy and confidence to ward off the perceived threat.  But each repetition of this process reinforces perceived damage and vulnerability by making defense seem more necessary.

Over time, the blame-anger response congeals into chronic resentment, which is a generalized, automatic defensive system geared to protect an ego made fragile by the perceived need of protection.  To the resentful, painful emotions are not motivations to heal and improve but punishments inflicted by an unfair world.  They try to control what other people think by devaluing or coercing them, thereby reinforcing the vulnerability they seek to avoid.

There are things in life that we cannot control no matter how we may want to.  A devastating fire, a car accident, certain unforeseen injuries, loss of a job by way of lay-off or shut-down of a facility, and other uncontrollable situations are out of our hands.

The Illusion of Control
Consider how little control we have over the things that most profoundly influence our lives.  How many of us got to choose our parents, brothers or sisters, or other family members?  Did we decide the illnesses, accidents, medications, and substance use of our mothers during pregnancy?  Who decided where and when they were born, how much money their families would have, what early childhood sickness or accidents they would experience, which schools they would go to and what kind of teachers and friends they would find there?  Who chose whether other children would like or bully them, support or antagonize them, respect or humiliate them?

Controlling the Meaning of Your Life
You cannot control most of the major influences on your life, but you have absolute control over what they mean to you.  If you control the meaning of events in your life by creating as much value as you can, you will have a sense of purpose and personal power.  If you control it by devaluing yourself or others, you create a chronic sense of powerlessness, which is in turn characterized by roller-coaster rides of adrenalin-driven resentment that crash into depressed moods.

Do you really think that you can hide your emotional pain?

Emotional Pain

Like all other emotions, emotional pain has an effect on the people around you.  If you are in emotional pain, you are not your normal upbeat self.  No one likes being around a person who is depressed, sad, unhappy, or somber for long periods of time.  Of course, those who have empathy or compassion will care about how you feel, and may try to help you to feel better or help you to get control of your emotions.  In some cases, the people around you will try to lead you to professional help.

Another problem that is sometimes created by going through emotional pain is addiction.  Addictions to alcohol, drugs, or other unhealthy avenues is a direction that is not healthy, but will sometimes be the path that some people will trod.  Is this wise ~ No.

How can you help yourself through emotional pain?

Rather than focus on the possible causes of your pain and vulnerability, try to sort out what each hurtful incident means to you and what you can do to heal and improve.  But in order to do this important assessment, you must do so with self-compassion, not self-criticism.

Time for your Journal Writing Exercise . . .

Journal Writing Exercise

If you are going through emotional pain, first list your problem.  For example:  Your spouse or significant other cheated on you.

Then write down your feelings about the problem: i.e.,  I feel alone, isolated, and betrayed.

What does the problem mean to you?  How can you help yourself to heal?

For Example:  I can recognize that I have the strength, resilience, and value to heal this hurt over time.  I will stay true to my deepest values, focus on creating more value in my life, reach out to friends and other loved ones, recognize human frailty in my spouse and in myself, and I will evaluate my options for a better future.

Please Note:  Preoccupation with the causes of emotional pain tends to push us deeper into pain and bitterness; interpreting its meaning reveals motivation to heal and improve and moves us toward a brighter future.

Expression of negative emotions leads to exhaustion 
Expressing negative emotions, without changing the meaning you give them, merely exercises them.  Exercise sometimes produces exhaustion, but exhaustion never equals resolution or healing.  Worse, expressing emotions repeatedly habituates them.  "Crying the same blues over and over" creates more than monotony.  It causes habitual sequences of neural firing that lead to repetitive, seemingly automatic behavior, such as having the same fight with your loved one over and over.

If you find that you repeatedly make the same mistake or the same kinds of mistakes, you probably express negative emotions (or stuff them) without altering the meaning you give them, i.e., without focus on healing and improving.

Some people are fortunate enough to resist the preoccupation with blame that characterizes the age of entitlement.  But even for those lucky few, the search for causes of emotional pain has little chance of alleviating it.  The causes of distressed conditions, which are usually complex interactions of many variables, are not often the same things that maintain them.  Focus on possible causes is more likely to make you feel damaged and vulnerable than lead to corrective or beneficial action.

Knowing how you got into a hole won't do much to get you out of it, but it can help you avoid holes in the future.  Casual analysis is easier and more efficient.  Journaling is very helpful, and you will find that it will help you with healing and improving.  You'll be able to find mental resources within yourself that are available to accurately assess the causes and devise strategies for your future well being.  You'll be very surprised at the discoveries you will make by Journaling daily.  Get out of your hole first, and consider how to avoid another one later.

To understand your emotional pain, you have to ask the question HOW can I improve and heal?  Not why did this happen to me?

For your Journal:

What can I do to improve and heal my emotional pain?  How can I go about improving and healing my condition?  What steps can I take to feel better?

Here are some suggested steps you can take . . .

• Remember:
• Emotional pain can make it impossible to enjoy life and can manifest as physical disease and pain, which you do not want in your life.
• Letting go of rejection, avoiding rumination and learning from your failures can help you to heal your emotional pain.
• Keeping guilt from festering and using self affirmations to boost your self-esteem are other keys to greater emotional well-being.

We'll be back with much more!

~ See you in our next Blog Session Friends ~

Leave your emotional pain in your Journal,

and walk away with steps for improvement & healing. . . .

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

© Copyright - René Allen - JUNE 2017 - All Rights Reserved

BLOG SESSION

June 2017

Good Afternoon Blog Readers, Followers & Visitors ~ You have just stepped into our next Blog Session where we are asking you to get your Journals out, your ink pen, and get ready to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Today we are doing a quick review of a subject matter that we had discussed previously in one of our other Blog Sessions.  It is called, "empathy" . . .

em·pa·thy ~ /ˈempəTHē/

Empathy is the ability to understand

and share the feelings of another.

How often do you honestly use empathy in your day to day life?

In our last Blog Session we discussed OCPD ~ Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, and hypersensitivity. We also talked about how those with OCPD have the capacity to experience great emotional depth because of their hypersensitivity.

What everyone needs to jot down in their Journals is this...

"People with OCPD have a natural gift for empathy."

Where does hypersensitivity come into the picture?

As we discussed in our last Blog Session, people with OCPD have the capacity to experience great emotional depth because of their hypersensitivity.  They are able to feel emotions that most of the world will never be able to feel or understand. People with emotional sensitivity also have a heightened sense of the emotions of others.  People with OCPD have the ability to see right through surface level communication.  In an instant, people with OCPD can assess the body language and tone of voice of others and figure out the true emotions behind all the masks that people put on. Some people with extreme emotional sensitivity, possess a near-psychic ability to sense even the history of emotions, hurts, and pains of others.  And, there are some people who can even sense the pain and suffering of a collective group of people.  Those with OCPD have all the right tools to enrich the lives of others through empathy.

Why then are there so many people with OCPD who do not practice their natural gift for empathy?  The answer is anxiety.

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.  Anxiety is akin to fear.

If you are a person with OCPD, in order to redeem your natural gift for empathy, you'll need to face your fear of negative emotions.  This fear cannot be faced, however, if you continue to make use of the very things that prevent you from experiencing your emotions.   Therefore, you must resist the urge to use your defense mechanisms.

When negative emotions are no longer things that need to be feared and avoided, people with OCPD can then begin to feel the negative emotions of others.  It is nothing to be afraid of, nor is this ability to be feared.  What happens is that you as a person with OCPD, will be able to empathize with those who need your support.  Empathy is a "gift" to be shared.

"Empathy is a "gift" to be shared."

Putting yourself in another person's shoes is what we are talking about here today.  That is what empathy is all about. It is about learning to get out of your shoes for a minute, and put on the shoes of someone in need of help with emotional pain, negative emotions, bad feelings, depression, problems, issues, and in some cases dire circumstances.  If you are able to feel the emotions of others, then you are able to empathize with them.  This is not for the faint of heart.

You'll need to inspire yourself.  Lift yourself up mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Once you equip yourself, you will be better able to assist others.  You will be able to truly empathize with another person and help them through their pain.

Many people are hurting on a daily basis, and you may not be aware of what they are going through if you choose to ignore your gift of "empathy".  Just walking past someone instead of stopping to say a kind word to them is how cold, callus, and uncaring people lose touch with their empathic side.  A smile can go a long way.

Asking someone how they are doing, and really being sincere about the question is something that is rare these days. Kindness has gone by the way-side.  And we need to do something about it.

Learn how to care . . .

Empathize

Listen

As we sign out for today's Blog Session, I'll leave you with this thought for the next person you come in contact with who may need your support . . .

"...get ready to put yourself in someone else's shoes."

Have a blessed day until we meet here again Friends ~

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

© Copyright - René Allen - JUNE 2017 - All Rights Reserved

Those with OCPD ~

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

have the capacity to experience great

emotional depth because of their hypersensitivity

JUNE 2017

Good Morning Blog Readers, Followers & Visitors!

We are back to continue our discussion about OCPD and those who have the capacity to experience great emotional depth because of their hypersensitivity.

If you are new to the Blog discussions, we welcome you.  We also invite you to tell others about the Blog.  Especially those who you believe will benefit from the discussions that we are having.  We come here to talk about issues that affect you and those you know and love.  If you do not yet have  Journal or Diary that you use daily, we suggest that you pick one up so that you can keep notes about our discussions, and also keep a daily track of your own personal thoughts.  It is beneficial to learn more about your "self" and those you know and love. Keeping a Journal helps you to do just that.  You will be glad that you took the time to document your thoughts and daily activities when you look back on what you have written later.

In case you don't know, or have forgotten, you are here because you are an Author, Writer, Aspiring Author, Emerging Author, Poet, Creative Writer, Film Maker, Journalist, Reporter, Artist, Blog Writer, or have the capacity and tools needed to Produce or Write a Documentary.  Just a reminder that what you learn, and what you know, is to be utilized to help others. And YOU, dear friend, are the one tasked to do so. 

Now is the time to get your Journal and your pen as we get into our topic for today . . .

"Decorative Journals that are personal

to you help to inspire you to write daily".

People with OCPD have the capacity to experience great emotional depth because of their hypersensitivity.  They are able to feel emotions that most of the world will never be able to feel or understand.  People with emotional sensitivity also have a heightened sense of the emotions of others.  Even if others say, “I’m doing fine,” people with OCPD have the ability to see right through surface level communication.  In an instant, people with OCPD can assess the body language and tone of voice of others and figure out the true emotions behind all the masks that people put on.  Some people with extreme emotional sensitivity possess a near-psychic ability to sense even the history of emotions, hurts, and pains of others.

You may happen to be able to sense the pain and suffering collectively experienced by the people of an entire nation.  (And it is at this juncture that I must again mention the Prophetic Ministry and Missionaries).  We will discuss the Prophetic Ministry and Missionaries in another Blog Session.  Just simply make a note of it in your Journal at this time.  [Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, are mad at God, have an issue with the name of God, have an issue with Religion and the Church, or believe that this topic does not effect you -- do make a note of it].  Be open to learn always, because it is when you think that you know everything and that no one can teach you anything that you become worthless.  You also miss a lot of blessings and opportunities being closed minded.

We are all made up differently, and we do not always have to agree with one another, but we should at the least -- be AWARE.

People with OCPD have all the right tools to enrich the lives of others through empathy.

The reason why this discussion is so important is because many people with OCPD do not recognize their "gifts".  If you have OCPD ~ Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, then this discussion is for YOU!  If you know someone who has OCPD, or you suspect has OCPD, then please pass this Blog discussion on to them.

Here is the main question for you to write down in your Journal today . . .

Why then are there so many people with OCPD who do not practice their natural gift for empathy?

The answer is anxiety.

At a very early age, people with OCPD were once overwhelmed by their strong negative emotions.  They needed their immediate caretaker (usually their mother) to comfort them by saying, “Don’t worry, child.  You’re going to be just fine.  Bad feelings are a normal part of life and they will come and go.  Don’t try to avoid them.  Just feel them out and let them pass.”  Unfortunately, most of the world (mothers included) do not understand how emotionally sensitive people with OCPD are and they fail to provide the correct kind of security.  Without the proper security, people with OCPD grow up to fear their emotions and try everything in their power to avoid them.  There are psychological strategies people with OCPD use to prevent themselves from experiencing negative emotions.  As long as people with OCPD continue to dodge negative emotions, they will never be able to give others the sense that their feelings are being understood and shared.

In order to redeem the natural gift for empathy, people with OCPD must face their fear of negative emotions.  This fear cannot be faced, however, if people with OCPD continue to make use of the very things that prevent them from experiencing their emotions.  Therefore, people with OCPD must resist the urge to use their defense mechanisms as well. Every step of the way, people with OCPD must re-parent themselves with words of comfort.  When negative emotions are no longer things that need to be feared and avoided, people with OCPD can then begin to feel the negative emotions of others.  When this happens, people will discover that no one can empathize with them as well as their OCPD friend.  Can you imagine how much better a person who is suffering or in pain will feel if there is someone who can empathize with them?

Let's talk about another area that you may need to pay attention to, and make a note of in your Journal . . .

Feeling depressed?

It might not be you.

The emotional sensitivity of people with OCPD is so strong that, despite all their efforts to avoid negative feelings, people with OCPD will still pick up the emotions of others unconsciously.  People with OCPD might find themselves feeling sad all of a sudden.  When this happens, most people with OCPD who have not yet familiarized themselves with the power of their emotional sensitivity will likely think that they (personally) are the cause of this emotional pain.  What really might be happening is that they are unconsciously empathizing with others.  It is a shame that people with OCPD do not get credit for this kind of behind-the-scenes empathy.  Unfortunately, the burden that people with OCPD feel for others can become so heavy that going into isolation feels like the most liberating thing to do.  It is very important that people with OCPD who often feel the pain and suffering of others have outlets, like hobbies, or friends they can talk to, with which they can release the burden that they pick up.

This is why a Journal is so important for you to utilize.  When you can chart your feelings, and the people you are around, it will help you to evaluate what is really happening with you.

If for instance, you have been around your friend Sally, and you suddenly start feeling helpless and without hope, and later Sally tells you that she has these feelings, then you should realize that it is not YOU that is feeling this way, but it is in fact your friend, Sally.

WE are to be aware of the fact that WE are all connected to one another.  When we begin to think in the me, myself, and I zone, we lose sight of what living is all about.  When we are all doing well, it is better for the whole.  When one of us feels any pain or happens to be suffering in some way, then those of us who are empathetic will feel that pain and same such suffering.  Those here reading and following this Blog just so happen to be "gifted" with the ability to do so.  Which means that we inherently are not selfish or self-serving people.  If we happen to decide that we will be "selfish" and "self-serving", we will hurt ourselves, and do an injustice to those who we are called to help.

Write it.  Note it.  Understand it.

Be who you are called to be.

MUCH MORE TO COME!

Until next Blog Session . . .

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

© Copyright - René Allen - JUNE 2017 - All Rights Reserved