The Healing Empath

Good Evening Blog Readers, Followers & Visitors ~

We've been discussing Empaths, Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) and Healers.  Tonight we are going to talk about Intuitive Empaths, and in particular those Empaths that have dealt with Narcissistic individuals.

A little about Intuitive Empaths ~ a person who has an unusual capacity for sensing and understanding the feelings of others.  Could you be one?

Intuitive empaths know what others feel without needing to be told, and they have an unusually sharp sense for whether someone is being truthful or lying.

For this reason, many self-proclaimed intuitive empaths go into the healing professions.  There’s a lot of reported evidence from psychologists for the existence of empaths, and it often seems to suggest that they are unhappier than others.

Empathy is present, in general, to a greater degree in women. A study from the journal of Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews stated that there are gender differences with regard to empathic response from infancy.  It has been suggested that females are more empathic as a result of neurological adaptation to the traditional role of child-rearing, as it requires a sharper understanding of non-verbal expressions.

With the information above kept in mind, imagine an Empath dealing with a Narcissist.  It would immediately strike you as odd, as well as a toxic mix.

One Empath tells the story of being involved with a Narcissist.  The Empath came to the conclusion that Narcissists are special people.  Although Narcissists are very focused on how great they are, the Empath realized that Narcissists are actually profoundly wounded.  The Empath also came to the conclusion that something in childhood (in most cases) got to them.  Something unraveled them.  That something also damaged them.  And, because of the wounds, the Narcissists now seek validation.

Here are the words of an Empath that dealt with a Narcissist:

"But here I am.  I'm an empath.  I'm a healer.  I absorb what other people are feeling, and feel it as if it were my own.  My own pain, my own anguish, my own hurt.  Narcissists rarely know an empath's boundaries.  It makes us easy to bond with.  We eat their pain like breakfast lunch and dinner." ~ The anonymous empath

Intuitive Empath

Let us turn our attention fully to the Intuitive Empath ~ What are the traits of an Intuitive Empath?

1.  You understand where other people are coming from

When empaths are in interactions with others, they’re able to understand how the other person feels and why they feel it.  This makes them excellent listeners and great friends. However, being able to put themselves in other people’s shoes and feel as they feel can be extremely stressful.  Apart from having to deal with the stress and difficulties which arise in their own lives, they take on other people’s suffering as their own.

2.  You are oversensitive

If you are extremely sensitive or have been labelled as being too emotional, you may be an empath.  Empaths seem to have the ability to experience emotions at a greater intensity than the rest of us.  This can lead to increased joy and pleasure in life, but when they’re exposed to negative stimuli, it can cause extreme anxiety and distress.  It also means that they’re more prone to mood swings than others, as stimuli from the environment can change rapidly from positive to negative.  Empaths are often very sensitive to noise and other disturbances, too.

3. You can’t stand witnessing the suffering of others

At one extreme of the empathy spectrum (the low end), there are people with disorders which cause anti-social and often violent, criminal behaviour.  Empathic people are on the opposite end of the spectrum, not being able, in some cases, even to watch violent films.  They also find things that many people laugh at, like the misfortunes of others, unbearable to witness.

4.  You aren’t comfortable in large groups

Because of the intensity and diversity of stimuli in situations involving a large number of people, empaths tend to find being around big groups exhausting and anxiety-creating.  It is common for empaths to prefer being alone or with one or two people.  If they have to be in social situations involving large groups, it is often necessary for them to withdraw early and take time alone to recharge their batteries.

5.  You have physical symptoms after emotionally intense situations

Empaths often find that they experience physical symptoms in response to high-intensity situations.  Headaches are common as well as fatigue.  Empaths may also be more likely to respond to the anxiety they feel by abusing their own bodies with drugs and overeating.

Journal Notes

For your Journal, please make a note of anything that you have found to be helpful.  You may also want to add the following information . . .

Empathy is something that nearly all human beings have, with the exception of people who have psychological disorders that prevent them from feeling empathy.  Empathy is, therefore, something which is found in human beings on a spectrum –  from high-empathy responses to low-empathy responses.

Scientists do not currently accept the use of terms such as intuitive empath just as they don’t accept terms like ‘psychic’ or ESP (Extra-Sensory Perception).  Scientific research currently divides empathy into the categories of ‘emotional empathy’ and ‘cognitive empathy’. Emotional empathy is the ability to respond emotionally to what another person is going through, and cognitive empathy is the ability to comprehend another person’s perspective or mental state.

Until next Blog Session

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

©Copyright - René Allen - JUNE 2017 - All Rights Reserved

Mental Health Awareness Month

May 2017

Welcome back Blog Readers, Followers, and Visitors!

We have been discussing Narcissists and NPD ~ Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Today we are going to turn our attention to Narcissistic Parents.

You'll need to get your Journal out to take notes, and if you have been keeping a Diary, you may want to pull that out as well.  If you are new to the Blog, be sure to Bookmark the Blog now, and sign up to follow by Email.  You'll see the space where you can insert your Email address so that you will not miss any of the Blog Discussions ... just look over in the far right column where it says, "Follow by Email", then insert your email address, and click "Submit".  If you are a Google+ User, you are welcome to add me to your Circle.

The first thing we all need to do is to read the header to today's Blog Session, which reads . . .

"Narcissists will destroy your life

and erode your self-esteem

and do it with

such stealth

as to make you feel

as YOU are the one that's

letting them down."

With the above phrase in mind about the Narcissist, you will have an idea of what a person who has a Narcissistic parent may feel like.

A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder.  Typically narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and may be especially envious of, and threatened by, their child's growing independence.

  

A narcissistic parent can be defined as someone who lives through, is possessive of, and/or engages in marginalizing competition with the offspring.  Typically, the narcissistic parent perceives the independence of a child (including adult children) as a threat, and coerces the offspring to exist in the parent's shadow, with unreasonable expectations.  In a narcissistic parenting relationship, the child is rarely loved just for being herself or himself.  

Many parents want to show off their children, have high expectations, may be firm at times (such as when a child is behaving destructively), and desire their offspring to make them proud.  None of these traits alone constitute pathological narcissism.  What distinguishes the narcissistic parent is a pervasive tendency to deny the offspring, even as an adult, a sense of independent self-hood.  The offspring exists merely to serve the selfish needs and machinations of the parent(s).

How do you know when a parent may be narcissistic?

While some parents may exhibit a few of the following traits at one time or another, which might not be a major issue, a pathologically narcissistic parent tends to dwell habitually in several of the following personas, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how these behaviors affect one’s offspring.

The following are five of the ten telltale signs . . .

1.  Uses/Lives Through One’s Child 

Most parents want their children to succeed.  Some narcissistic parents, however, set expectations not for the benefit of the child, but for the fulfillment of their own selfish needs and dreams.  Instead of raising a child whose own thoughts, emotions, and goals are nurtured and valued, the offspring becomes a mere extension of the parent’s personal wishes, with the child’s individuality diminished.

“My mom used to love dolling me up in cute dresses, even though I was a tomboy by nature.  I think she felt that when I received compliments for my appearance, she looked good in reflection. It boosted her self-worth.”  ― Anonymous

“You have opportunities I’ve never had… After you become a doctor you can do as you please.  Until then you do as I say!”  ― Father to son in “Dead Poets Society”

2.  Marginalization

Some narcissistic parents are threatened by their offspring’s potential, promise, and success, as they challenge the parent’s self-esteem.  Consequently, a narcissistic mother or father might make a concerted effort to put the child down, so the parent remains superior.  Examples of this type of competitive marginalization includes nit-picking, unreasonable judgment and criticisms, unfavorable comparisons, invalidation of positive attitudes and emotions, and rejection of success and accomplishments.

The common themes through these put downs are:  “There’s always something wrong with you,” and “You’ll never be good enough.”  By lowering the offspring’s confidence, the narcissistic parent gets to boost her or his own insecure self-worth.

“I pleaded with my mother on the phone for the lab fee of my college science class.  She finally agreed to pay, but only after saying that it was a waste of money on me.” ― Anonymous

3.  Grandiosity & Superiority

Many narcissistic parents have a falsely inflated self-image, with a conceited sense about who they are and what they do.  Often, individuals around the narcissist are not treated as human beings, but merely tools (objects) to be used for personal gain.  Some children of narcissistic parents are objectified in the same manner, while others are taught to possess the same, forged superiority complex:  “We’re better than they are.”  This sense of grandiose entitlement, however, is almost exclusively based on superficial, egotistical, and material trappings, attained at the expense of one’s humanity, conscientiousness, and relatedness.  One becomes more “superior” by being less human.

4.  Superficial Image

Closely related to grandiosity, many narcissistic parents love to show others how “special” they are.  They enjoy publically parading what they consider their superior dispositions, be it material possessions, physical appearance, projects and accomplishments, background and membership, contacts in high places, and/or trophy spouse and offspring. They go out of their way to seek ego-boosting attention and flattery.

For some narcissistic parents, social networking is a wonderland where they regularly advertise how wonderful and envy-worthy their lives are.  The underlying messages may be:  “I am/my life is so special and interesting,” and “Look at ME – I have what you don’t have!”

“What my mother displays in public and how she really is are very different.” ― Anonymous 

5.  Manipulation

Common examples of narcissistic parenting manipulation include:

Guilt trip:  “I’ve done everything for you and you’re so ungrateful.”

Blaming:  “It’s your fault that I’m not happy.”

Shaming:  “Your poor performance is an embarrassment to the family.”

Negative comparison:  “Why can’t you be as good as your brother?”

Unreasonable pressure:  “You WILL perform at your best to make me proud.”

Manipulative reward and punishment:  “If you don’t pursue the college major I chose for you, I will cut off my support.”

Emotional coercion:  “You’re not a good daughter/son unless you measure up to my expectations.”

A common theme running through these forms of manipulation is that love is given as a conditional reward, rather than the natural expression of healthy parenting.  On the other hand, the withholding of love is used as threat and punishment.

A Note from the child (or Adult)

to the Narcissistic Mother

Narcissistic Parents leave a wake of destruction in the lives of their children.  The damage is in some cases extreme in nature, depending on how successful the children were able to escape from the narcissistic parent(s).  Many children of narcissistic parents move as far away as possible thinking that they will escape from the clutches of the parent(s).  However, their reach is like the web of a spider.  Narcissistic parents will work through others to continue their destructive damage in their children's lives -- be they young adults or Adults.

Narcissistic Parents typically use the same tactics, . . .

"Poor me, look at how my children treat me.  They don't even call or come to see me.";

"My children are so ungrateful.  After all I have done for them, look at how they treat me."; and/or

"My children have such messed up lives, and I have no idea of how they turned out that way considering how I raised them to be better than how they turned out."

While you take a moment to take notes about Narcissistic Parents, please take time to think about whether or not you had Narcissistic Parents.  Do you know of anyone who has a parent like the type we are describing?  Do you have friends who had parents who would be in contact with you to bad-mouth your friend?  Do you have friends whose parents always seem to be involved in your friend's life even as an adult -- but in a negative way?  Do you know of anyone who is embarrassed by their parent's presence or seems very uncomfortable in the presence of their parent?

Narcissistic Parents always have unhealthy connections to their children.  Even moreso in adulthood, as the damage they cause leads to resentment.

Don't be fooled, be AWARE.

We'll be back with the next five telltale signs of a Narcissistic Parent . . . 

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

©Copyright - René Allen - MAY 2017 - All Rights Reserved

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Mental Health Awareness Month

May 2017

Good Afternoon everyone ~ It's Mental Health Awareness Month, and we are discussing Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and more specifically, the 16 Signs of a Narcissist.

For all Blog Readers, Followers and Visitors, just as an overview, we have been writing notes in our Journals about our thoughts, emotions, and our daily activities.  We've also been taking notes relative to the topics being discussed this month about mental health.  Now is a good time to get your Journal out as we continue with the 16 Signs of a Narcissist so that you will be better able to identify this specific personality type.

Journal your thoughts

[Also take Notes during Mental Health Awareness Month]

We're now continuing our note-taking with Sign #'s 13 - 16. . .

#13  Can your partner or the person you know and suspect is narcissistic accept responsibility for things they have done?

If your partner or the person you know and suspect is a narcissist does something wrong, can they accept responsibility for it?  Often, you will find with narcissists that they cannot accept when they are in the wrong, they are convinced that nothing is ever their fault.

They will twist and contort situations in any way they can to make sure that they escape the blame.  And the scary thing is that they won’t realize they are doing it.  To them, they really are the innocent party!

[Ask Yourself:  Are you being manipulated in your relationship?]

#14  Can your partner or the person you know and suspect may be a Narcissist become volatile when challenged?

There will always be bad fights in a relationship, but how bad do yours get and how easily do they get there?  It is quite common with people who have a narcissistic personality disorder to easily flip off the handle.

I don’t mean that they will get overly violent, but you might find that they punch walls or throw things when they feel like they are losing the argument.  They will in essence through a temper tantrum.  They will also be able to give you several excuses once they have calmed down, as to why they thought it was okay to behave in such a way.  And they will act as if you are out of your mind if you think something is wrong with their behavior.

[Ask Yourself:  Is it okay with you to be disrespected and on edge because a person you know throws fits at the drop of a dime?] 

#15  Does your partner or the person you know and suspect may be a Narcissist always play the victim?

Is your partner or the person you suspect is a Narcissist always the victim, no matter what?  This is again another really common sign of narcissism.  It is the inability to accept that they are not perfect.

They will go to extremes to explain why they were the victim.  And, although their reasoning may seem unbelievable to you, your partner (or the Narcissist) will believe their reasons fully, and may find it annoying that you can’t see from their perspective.

[Ask Yourself:  Is it alright with you to be involved with anyone who is an attention whore at your expense?]

#16  Is your partner or the person you suspect to be a Narcissist controlling and demanding?

If your partner or the person you suspect to be a Narcissist  tries to control what you do or demands that you do things differently, then there is a good chance they are narcissistic. A narcissist believes that their way is best and anything else is just wrong!

[Ask Yourself:  Can you deal with a controlling person on a continual basis and be comfortable doing so?]

What do you do now if you are involved with a Narcissist?

With all 16 Signs of a Narcissist being given out to you, if you recognize that any person in your life exhibits a number of the signs listed, there is a good chance that you have a Narcissistic person in your life that is making your life miserable.

The question for you now is what do you plan to do about it?

Just a simple note for your Journal:  You need to keep in mind that having a relationship with a Narcissist is not advisable.  You need to remember that a narcissistic lover isn’t necessarily a bad person, they just love themselves and care for themselves above and beyond everyone else.  So if you do see these signs in your relationship, you need to ask yourself, can you spend your life around such a person?  And better yet, why would you want to?

We'll be back here in our next Blog Session to talk about Narcissistic Parents.  Hmmmm . . . .

"Oh boy, Ill have to make sure I'm back here to hear about Narcissistic Parents!"

See you back here with your Journal!

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

©Copyright - René Allen - MAY 2017 - All Rights Reserved

We're looking into mental health issues

MAY 2017

Mental Health Awareness Month

Good Morning all Blog Readers, Followers, and Visitors to our Blog.  If you were here with us in our last Blog Session, then you have your Journal ready to continue today with where we left off.  You should have notes about the 16 Signs of a Narcissist.  We've covered the first 8 Signs of a Narcissist.

Now we are ready to jump back into learning more about what we are dealing with if we are in a relationship with a Narcissist in any way ~ be it a partner, a spouse, a family member, a boss, a coworker, a friend, a sibling, or any other person in your life.

Just as a overview, we are discussing the issue of:   NPD ~ Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Now is the time to get your Journal and get ready to write . . .

Your decorated Journal

Narcissism is a real personality disorder that seems to be affecting more and more people as the years go by.  The problem though, is that it can be hard to tell a narcissistic person from someone who just has a lot of confidence, well it is, at least at first.  However, over time a narcissist ends up giving themselves away, through their behaviour and their apparent lack of empathy.  Don’t forget that a narcissist is someone who worships himself or herself, someone who thinks they’re the best at everything, so of course, you are going to be able to pick up on it very soon.

With that being said, we are moving on to the 9th Sign of a Narcissist . . .

#9  Does your partner seem picky about his or her friends?

A narcissist surrounds themselves with only people they think are worthy.  In a way, they only become friends with people they deem special enough, and this means that they will be picky over the people they chose to spend their time with.  You might find as well that all your partner’s friends look up to them, in a way that feeds your partner’s ego.

[Ask Yourself:  Do you find idolization fascinating?]

#10  How does your partner (or any person you believe may be a narcissist) react to their pride being hit?

Most people don’t deal well with their pride being hit, but a narcissist can’t deal with it at all.  You see, underneath all the confidence that a narcissist spews out, there isn’t a confident person there.  That’s why they go to such extremes to make sure they surround themselves with people who stroke their ego.

And that’s why they always talk about themselves, to protect themselves from the truth.  In a way, they are trying to trick themselves into believing that they really are that great.

[Ask Yourself:  Do you really have room to store a toxic relationship in your life anywhere?]

#11  Has your relationship ever been threatened because of your partner’s pride?

Really think about it, think about all the arguments that you have had with your partner.  How many of them have been because you had stepped on your partner’s pride?

Perhaps, you made a joke that they took offense to or perhaps you might have told them that they did something wrong.  A narcissist needs to be around people who feed their egos, and if they don’t feel like you are doing that, then they will feel there is no choice for them, but to leave you.

[Ask Yourself:  Do you have a people pleaser issue?]

#12  Do they tend to take things further than most?

Again, this is similar to the last question.  When you argue with your partner, do they tend to take things further than you would?  Are they always threatening to leave unless you see things from their side, do they always make sure that you are left in the wrong?  These are typical signs of a narcissist, and it is not healthy for a person to be made to feel wrong when they are not.

[Ask Yourself:  Are you willing to be made to feel wrong and feel bad at the whim of someone else?]

Be sure to take notes

If you are new to our Blog, please take a moment to get familiar with this Blog.  You may take a look at past Blog posts to catch up on anything that you may have missed -- Just look over in the far-right column and click on any of the links in the "Blog Archive" that you may be interested in.  You may also follow along with the Blog by Email, simply add your Email address where it says, "Follow by Email" in the far right-hand column, and click "Submit".  You may also add me to your Circles if you are a Google+ User.

When we return for our next Blog Session, we will  continue learning more about the 16 Signs of a Narcissist.  We will continue our discussion with Signs 13 - 16 of a Narcissist.

See you back here with your Journal!

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

©Copyright - René Allen - MAY 2017 - All Rights Reserved

Mental Health Awareness Month

May 2017

The Narcissist

We're back from our Coffee Break, and we are discussing the 16 Signs of a Narcissist.  We have covered the first 4 signs of a Narcissist, and everyone has been taking notes in their Journals.

Now while we started this discussion off talking about identifying girlfriends, boyfriends and spouses that could potentially be a narcissist, please remember that a narcissist can also be a parent, a boss, a sibling, a family member, a friend, or anyone you know.  Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes.

Narcissists are normally very nice looking and vain people, even if their personality makes them look ugly.

We are now continuing on with Sign #5 of the 16 Signs of a Narcissist . . .

#5  Do they spend a lot of time at the gym?

Let us be clear, not every gym addict is a narcissist, however you can normally pick out those who are.  The narcissist doesn’t go to the gym to keep fit, they go to make sure they look better than everybody else.  They will take any chance they get to show off their hard work and if the situation doesn’t arise, then they will make sure they create a situation to show off the hard work they have been putting in at the gym.

They will often bring up in conversation how many sit ups they did, or how far they ran for, just so they can be complimented by the listener, and feel better about themselves.

The Narcissist has a very competitive nature, and will always find opportunities to compete with you.  If you're doing something that brings you joy, you can bet that they will be doing whatever that thing is faster than lightening, and will make sure that they are better at it than you are!

Their goal is to make you feel inferior and/or incompetent.

[Ask Yourself:  Do you really want to deal with this type of person every day?]

#6   Do they always turn the conversation onto themselves?

Everyone likes to talk about themselves on the occasion but a narcissist takes it to another level.  It doesn’t matter what you are talking about, they will always manage to turn the conversation onto them, and their own issues.  They never really want to know anything about what you have to say.  If they begin listening to you, they will cut your conversation off and suddenly be distracted by something else so that they do not have to listen to you.  Or, they will over-talk you and get back to whatever it is that they want to say.

For example, if your friend is going through a break up, your narcissistic partner won’t ask your friend how they are doing, instead they will talk about a bad break up that they had.  If you are thinking about skydiving for charity, then they won’t ask you about it, they will instead think of something equally as awesome that they did, and they will tell you about it.

[Ask Yourself:  Can you deal with the selfishness of a narcissist for a prolonged period of time?]

#7  Do you feel like you have ever had their empathy?

This is a really good way of telling if you are in a narcissistic relationship or not, because a narcissist is incapable of empathy.  That really isn’t a joke, they are incapable of putting themselves into anyone else’s shoes but their own.  In fact, they will more likely than not remind you of how much they've done for you and how unappreciative you are.  And if you happen to be involved with a narcissistic person who has gone for many years without be called out on the carpet about their ways, they will become indignant when you mention their lack of compassion or arrogance.

Ask yourself this, the last big challenge you had to face, did your partner support you through it?  If the answer is no, then there is a good chance you are in a narcissistic relationship.

[Ask Yourself:  Do you really want to have someone around you that is judgmental, critical, and has absolutely no empathy?]

#8  Are they always focused on themselves?

Has your partner ever focused on something that didn’t directly involve them?  Have they ever reached out to help someone, when there was nothing in it for them?  If the answer is no, then you should know by now that you are likely to be in a narcissistic relationship.

The fact is that a narcissist only focuses on himself or herself, and if they do something for someone else, then it’s because they are getting something in return!

The return they get could be that it makes them look good, or it makes other people see them in a good light.  The return for them could also be that they meet a connection through you that they can influence for their own ends.

[Ask Yourself:  Do you really think that being around a person like this would be healthy for you?] 

At this point is where you need to get your Journal out before we go on to Signs 9 - 12 so that you can be sure to include this very important point about narcissists . . .

Narcissists always make you feel "trapped" . . .

Are you feeling trapped?

Learn more about the Narcissistic Personality in our next Blog Session so that you can be aware, do something about it, and stop feeling trapped.

We'll be back to go over Signs 9 - 12 in our next Blog Session ~ See you back here with your Journal!

Peace, Love & Light,

 René

©Copyright - René Allen - MAY 2017 - All Rights Reserved